“Lose the rage girlfriend…”

 “Why are you always crying?”

“What are you getting so excited about?”

“Why are you so naive?”

“Shhhhhhh”

“Why do you get so upset about things?”

“What are you so angry about?”

Questions asked of me… repeatedly over my life. “Lose the rage girlfriend” said to me just last week.

And yet, I am that I am. To this day I cry when I’m happy, I cry when I’m frustrated/angry, and I cry when my heart is afraid or in pain. I have been that way since I can remember. I just hate doing it in front of others.

I learnt to hide this emotional side for my own protection at a very young age. People can be so bloody scornful and contemptuous of emotions. If you cop this from your childhood you naturally think something’s wrong with you.

My son’s a crier. Has been since he was born. Now, at fourteen and amidst testosterone, peer and self pressure he suppresses his crying and wonders why he has explosions of anger. I have never berated him for his tears. But his teachers did from the very beginning, and then there’s the cool image stuff.

But I’m forty-seven now; way over image and the facts are as follows:

I cry when I am emotionally moved.

I am moved by amazing sunrise/sunsets, dolphins and whales swimming before me, the beauty of that moment as the sun goes down when the colors of the trees and flora take on a kind of glow and moments of love and kindness between any and all.

And equally am moved by injustice, by cruelty; and by apathy to injustice and cruelty.

In me there are emotions and I own that they are strong. I can’t do calm and rational; I don’t want to. How about emotional and rational. That’s who I am…for good or ill.

Even today, Tuesday, 15 June 2010, I felt good and mad. Around nine-thirty I put on BBC World Service as I have done the last six or so months. It informs me of world affairs, world news and educates me with its documentaries. But this morning the first thing I heard had me turning it off and yet again experiencing a sense of anger mixed with frustration.

The news was of Kyrgyzstan; innocents being murdered by some group, mums and babies running away from homes and literally from the maternity wards with newborns, dads and sons staying trying to protect their homes, weapon-less against machine guns.

And to my horror, the nearby country, Uzbekistan, where the mums and babes are running too, had closed their borders because…?

The BBC reporter said people are standing along the border begging, chanting “Please Help Us”.

 I stand in the kitchen hearing this and cry because I just can’t help it. I don’t understand.

And the scariest part of it is, I can’t say to myself, oh it’s because I wasn’t raised over there that I don’t understand, because I don’t know if right here in Australia we wouldn’t do the very same thing.

I never thought we would be like that until the babies overboard saga, then watching the public turn a blind eye to Johnnies lies, letting another man take the fall, and voting Johnny in yet again. And now Abbots (Johnny plus) going up in the opinion poll. Crikey!

Until all that happened, I though it was just my parents and the grey generation still under the ‘generational-post-traumatic-stress disorder’ of the near invasion in the Second World War. Like Americans willing to ignore Bushes lies in reaction to the trauma of 9/11. But none of that seems to be true.

Instead, as I look around; at what we allow to happen to refugees, the mentally ill, families in need, our young, our disabled, our hurt, sometimes with our very lives; well yes it moves me, saddens me, and yeah, makes me mad.

I hope whilst I breathe that my emotions will be moved not only by the beauty of this gorgeous life but also by the injustice and cruelty. Like closing the borders to mums and bubs trying to run from machine guns. When I picture this I see any and every mother.

Perhaps I’ll lose the rage when we finally see our interconnection and interdependence on each other where ever fate lands us at our birth.

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2 thoughts on ““Lose the rage girlfriend…”

  1. Your depth of understanding is your
    blessing as curse, an blessing that
    that you have engaged the brain, as
    a curse that the world being not an
    place where an brain readly be used.

    Thus it understandable your tears as
    tears that being in joy as in sorrow.

    You walk an path in evolution of the
    human brain thus a gradual growth in
    depth of understanding as experience
    through centuries of human learning.

    It be a journey of /many /many lifes
    yet that gained in the spiritual but
    never lost or sto;en. As one in the
    material world holds a material bank
    account, one has a spiritual account
    only the spiritual account is taken
    from life to life..nothing ever lost.

    On reading of the remark of your god
    son when the poor mite be confronted
    in religious brainwashing, his words
    shows his true spiritual development
    which he having is already *advanced
    far more advanced than teacher whom
    herself be a victim of brainwashing.

    Your dealing with the situation being
    admirable, advise to keep a open mind.

    Children guided by their feelings as
    emotions.. not yet at a stage putting
    such feelings emotions in clear words,
    as age their own spiritual account as
    being will open in giving credits due.

    In the range of time a few centuries be
    be but an blip on the radar screen, the
    last few centuries .. for humanity have
    been pointed in the direction of having
    more spiritual progress, yet as be with
    humanity the true message but gets lost
    where then but squabble betwixt nations
    for power / wealth / (blinded by greed).

    Idea of one god, in past few centuries
    originated from Egypt coming from the
    husband of QUEEN NEFERTITI he had such
    spiritual experiences that he built an
    temple to the one god..in later period
    the israelits took up the idea, where
    it proved be a winner. In having people
    dedicate their gifts of devotion wealth
    unto one god made an few very powerful
    over the many, human behaviour, starts
    with the best intentions, then corrupts.

    When western nation seeing the power as
    benefits of the one God all jumped upon
    the bandwaggon, only they claimed to be
    following the son of god in Jesus.. they
    then in time accused ISRAEL of killing..
    the son, thus no longer gods chosen, the
    chosen became the/ EURO UNION / UK/ USA.

    Thus we having centuries of the crusaders
    bring death destruction suffering all in
    the name of the son of God..whom born of
    a virgin free of sin, thus the ability in
    removing the sin of others.. in accepting
    the christian leader as christianity, your
    SIN removed,thus gaining acces to a place
    called heaven the home of GOD & SON where
    not accepting Jesus as christianity, then
    one taken to a place called Hell where be
    cast int a fire knowing eternal suffering.

    ( of course the brainwashing getting worse
    very anti woman, her bringing mans downfall
    due to lust of the flesh, desire for sexual
    pleasures.. children thus being the product
    of sin.. that all must live a life of guilt
    as shame / suffering / pain for their SIN..
    HOWEVER turning to christianity all be LOVE.

    The purpose of the universe that it sustain
    the human form, the purpose of human form..
    that via heart / brain there being a gradual
    growth of spiritual understanding experience
    an unfoding of knowledge unto enlightenment.

    At such times the most enlightened soul upon
    the planet being ..prem rawat..on PC search
    type (prem rawat foundation) on search page
    showing click on site.. there to find videos
    of ..prem rawat.. speaking at great depth on
    that of spiritual understanding / experience.

    One can also find videos of ..prem rawat..on
    youtube in their search type in ..prem rawat.

    As regard ..prem rawat.. himself , one should
    not judge him .. but rather in looking at the
    benefit of the knowledge in giving, being the
    same sense of the doctor.. the medical skills
    that which seek, not the lifestyle of doctor,
    as with the dentist, your need, their skills,
    not of their lifestyle..as with..prem rawat..
    having great depth understanding / experience
    of the spiritual.. that should be ones focus.

    THE VERY BEST WISHES..AS UNTO ALL YOUR FAMILY.
    Born with insight can be a curse as blessing.

    One life burnt at the stake along with your
    chldren.. condemmed as a witch whom in pact
    with the devil… where another life in more
    enlightened times, one being loved / praised.

  2. This post touched me as well, it’s your friend Amy from the States, Sharp Little Pencil.

    I cry at the drop of a hat – as a result, my own daughter held her tears in for years, I guess not wanting to be perceived as weak as she perceived me. I told her that tears are a gift – when she was little, I said, “They help wash away the sad parts.” And I get the stigma for males crying… which is sad. If more men were able to let themselves cry, there would be a lot less prostate cancer in the world!

    Mom used to tell me, “Thank God you weren’t made of sugar cubes; you would have melted by now!” as she would hug me when I cried.

    I say, keep the flood coming. I mean, when I cried for four or five days in a row, I knew it was time to see a doctor – ! And I am manic depressive. But now I allow myself my tears. Hope this helps and that you keep on writing, keep on keeping on, as we say here. Your friend, Amy

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