Are You There God?…/4

 By eighteen I’d been exposed to enough different folk to know at least that I could not honour a god that put anyone in a pit of fire.

So I left this group though still believing in their conception of what god was.

 It took a visit from some Jehovah Witnesses for it to dawn on me that it wasn’t just the Revivalists or Catholics that claimed a distinct ‘truth’ in their interpretation of what god was. A bit slow I know little buddy but from twelve I had stopped asking questions of others having learnt that my questions often brought out the very worst in people…both believers and non-believers.

 So what did I do now? It seemed to be that if everyone claimed they had the truth, and the pure evidence of the way these folks lived denied such claims, then perhaps it was just all crap!

 Of course you may well ask Skippy why I cared at all. Well all I can say is I did and I do. I have always stared up and out, in and about and wondered what the heck it all was. Perhaps it as because I shared my childhood with a dead girl so I was always aware of a ‘after this’ and wanted to understand this and after!

 You know how I love star trek? Well in that is the line “Space…the final frontier.” To me its space and beyond and I want to know what’s there. I simply have never accepted the human being to be the ultimate in consciousness Just as you Skippy werent able to accept the ‘sinner’ stuff. To think we are the best there is is neither rational reasonable or emotionally harmonic therefore in my consideration null and void.

 I didn’t care what the answer was. I might have been sensing a consciousness in the very earth itself. Or maybe it was a conscious universe or we were just an idea in an aliens mind…

 The point was I wanted to know what it was and what it had to do with me so I had to investigate.

 So far, I’d seen Catholicism thus inclusive if Judaism, and fundamental Christianity. None of these theologies ended up ‘truth’ for me because neither represented love and if there was one thing this little cookie did and does know is that any consciousness more evolved that us would represent love in a purer form.

 Let me cut and paste a tad from my first book to explain what I mean. This was the first time I questioned the teachings of the revivalists with the Pastor of the group.

 “Pastor Hollins how is God different to Hitler?”

 He must have been somewhat stunned by my question for he was silent. For me the floodgates had opened and I continued.

 “It seems to me that God says ‘do what I say or I’ll burn you forever’. We think it’s terrible that Hitler murdered all those Jews but God is going to destroy more than six million and they won’t even get the release of death. What sort of loving God is that? I know you said God is like a parent but I’d never parent a child like that!”     

 Later you will read a more reasoned argument regarding these particular theologies; not so much that they are wrong but seriously misinterpreted; with respect for the moments of spiritual insight that cannot be ignored. And yet reading again of my conversation with the Pastor Hollin’s thirty years later I find myself agreeing completely with my junior self!

 My search was never reason without emotion.

 And nor, from the moment I left the revivalist centre, was it ever again to be emotion without reason. Both little buddy are essential to asking the right questions, to keeping open, to not being ‘taken in’.

 So now Skippy, having rejected both forms of Christianity I for a brief moment called my self an atheist but truly I was simply angry. Angry that folk would parade around saying they had truth when they had no such thing. I was seriously cranky that this could lead to power over others as seen through the history of Christianity, Islam and Judaism. And as seen in my life to this point.

 My next steps took me into the world of the ‘new age’, psychic phenomena and Eastern beliefs as I for a time at least, rejected Christianity completely.

 But that’s for next time little buddy…till next time…my heart to your heart.

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10 thoughts on “Are You There God?…/4

  1. Good story so far.

    Things in particular I relate to are the desire to know what it’s all about (if we can). That’s been with me since my late teens.

    Also your reason + emotion stuff. I share that. We’ve talked about that a lot on my blog recently 🙂

    I too, realised that i could not believe in a God who would torture people for all eternity. I realised that while still a Christian, but fortunately I knew that there were genuine Christians who didn’t believe in hell, so that it was an option for me. A good friend actually pastored a church in a denomination who are pretty much like Baptists, except don’t believe in hell.

    Thanks Leesa 🙂

      • Readers take time, and it IS discouraging. I may look ‘successful’ to you, but I still have a very small number of regular readers. Doing what you’re doing, commenting on others blogs is great.

        If you’re serious about upping your readers, there’s twitter, facebook, stumbleupon and others. But it’s a long haul, in my experience.

        If you check your stats, hopefully you’ll see some traffic coming from Spritzophrenia.

  2. This is the 3rd comment I will have made on this & other of your posts in the past few days, so I hope I’m not becoming a pest. In any case, I’ll be brief. Having lived longer than you and been a practicing Catholic (now an ex-Catholic) for many years, I think I can well relate to such questions, thoughts and experiences, as you may note by going back over earlier postings on my blog. Far be it from me to “evangelize,” but for more food for thought on religion, you might want to check out deism (to which there are links on my blogroll). I find it “infinetly” reasonable, and you may too. If nothing else, it will stimulate the brain cells!

  3. NOT A PEST 🙂 I write in the hope to engage thoughts, to learn, share. You are very welcome!

    The ‘Are There God?’ articles will continue as they are an ongoing letter to my God-son….and we have a long way to go before we get to now…not to mention now won’t be now it will be then and goodness knows were my journey will have led me by then 🙂

    I too like deism and look forward to investigating your thoughts. I am blogging these letters in the hope folk will contribute their thoughts, their experiences so welcome all and sundry.

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