My Healing…or…Look Out World!

 Would it be silly to admit that I am terrified of myself.

 I find I lack courage.

 Yet I also find (because I did ask that darn universe), a big foot up my butt :(.

 I find a whole different thing coming…that I said I always wanted…but…be careful what you dream!

 The dismantling of all that is no longer going to be useful to the person I am becoming, has been, well, umm, agony.

 I have been successful, in the past, both according to societies standards as far as ‘raising above my childhood’, academic achievement, social commitment, excellent work ethic…and according to my own standards as far as ethical work, non-victim behaviour (well I’ve tried :)), being ‘of service’. But despite all that;

 Once upon a time

There was a big crash

A shattering smashing crashing crash

And all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

 And then I started dreaming those dreams. Night after night after night till eighteen months pass and each morning I awake with almost despair;

 “Again?????? What am I missing?”

 Let’s be clear here. Repetitive dreams require your attention. Something in you is trying to tell you something. You’ll know you’ve got it when they stop.

 But you never do know, till its time to know, and then when you do know, you wish you didn’t :)!  This of course is the resistance, the fear, the “terrified of myself”.

 For me I am being told very clearly that my past is no longer to be the story of my life. This is not said in a cruel way. Nor is it about forgiveness nor forgetting nor suppressing nor repressing nor projecting nor overcoming nor surviving nor any of the psychological jargon I’ve been part of for the last eons.

 Simply it is time. After all the experiences, all the learning, all the mistakes, all the separating wheat from chaff it is time to step up and out of it all with a completely new paradigm of personal story-power. Indeed I am shaking the dust off my feet.  So here am I.

I believe…

 *That questions are everything…

 *That answers change as questions mature (though they were ‘right’ for then), that good questions come from a mental approach of openness…

 *That life is to be seized joyfully…

 *That the human bug (:)) is a gorgeous messy delightful child growing in a splendiferous universe oozing with mystery…

 *That to understand self is a life long journey and the only one worth taking for you discover all other knowledge of all other in self…

 *That no damage is beyond healing while life Is…

 *That death is not death at all but Life too…

 *That the power of energy, all known types of energy and all the unknown types, as a physical process, in, out and beyond, is little known…

 *That we existed before we were born into this life…

 *That we will exist once we leave this life…

 **And most of all I believe I must be the change I want to see in the world.**

 So here I go…fear or no…I have no courage…I can just put one foot in front of the other.

My last entry in my Curriculum Vitea reads;

 2008-2010                   Personal sabbatical

 I am going back to life.

And work.

My way.

As a fellow Aussie used to say…crikey!!! 🙂

cheers…Leesa

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