Yes I’m Angry!

Have you ever had that experience when your eyes fall upon some words and you kind of double take…read them again with real concentration and….kablooie! Finally; an articulation of what you’ve been trying to explain to others, even to yourself for ever.

That was my reaction this morning as I read this following quote:

 “Anger is a great quality, a classic quality, and one rarely evident today, for what most people feel just now is usually resentment and bitterness, the telltale feelings of people who consider themselves imposed on, who know that they are not getting their due, who feel small. Flaubert’s anger, on the contrary, is that of a powerfully caged beast…of a man who, feeling his strength to the uttermost, is continually outraged by the meanness, the self-seeking, the lowness, the vulgarity around him. It is because he feels his strength — unlike most of us today who feel only our weakness — that he is so magnificently angry…”

Alfred Kazin, The Inmost Leaf (New York: Harcourt Brace, 1955), 114-5 in Myron Sharaf, Fury on Earth: A Biography of Wilhelm Reich (New York: St. Martin’s, 1983), 323.

So firstly, thank-you to http://thenecromancer.wordpress.com/ for posting this blog along with the universe of synchronicity for yet again confirming ‘seek and ye shall find’ (some more on that to come).

 Anger has been a major emotion for me my whole life. I grew up with that anger that is actually bitterness in my mother. I then entered an orphanage full of anger in the form of resentment. Both of these emotions only hurt self and all others around. I refused them both.

 Yet I was angry…and those who know me well still question my anger if I let the passion show in my tone. And anger makes people very uncomfortable though I have never ever expressed anger inappropriately. Just the fact that passion enters my voice when discussing injustice is enough to become subject of the ‘why do you take things personally’, ‘what are you so angry about’ questions. Was there something wrong with me?

But this anger of mine motivated me and how can I not be grateful?

 It motivated me not to drown in my own bad luck or karma or destiny that was my childhood. Many did so.

In a prison I worked I met two woman, twenty-six years after we’d shared a dorm in the orphanage together. We were all around thirty-five years old by now. I, a psychiatric nurse, they, long-term heroin addicts and long-term inmates. All I could think was that old religious line “But by the grace of god go I.”

What was this grace? Well…one part was my anger.  It has motivated me to understand the human being including myself.

It led me to take up psychiatric nursing.

It led me to develop therapeutic techniques that enhanced another rather than detracted from them.

 It led me to become an advocate for those less able to speak up for themselves. It allowed me to become an activist for that which is loving rather than that which hurts…for all life. And it allowed me to leave when things were just too wrong.

 I love this anger that has been with me since I was a little being. After reading the definition above I claim it as my own. It’s a non-personal anger. It’s anger in reaction to cruelty.

 I’ll give you an example. Recently I read an article and it struck a flame of anger in my gut. I summarized the article for contemplation. My summary reads as follows:

 ‘ Newborn found dead, umbilical cord still attached’

 This angered me. Not in judgment or condemnation. But because no woman should be so distraught nor so alone that she feels she must do such a thing. As I stated in an earlier article called ‘Lose the Rage Girlfriend’:

 I hope whilst I breathe that my emotions will be moved not only by the beauty of this gorgeous life but also by the injustice and cruelty.

Anger isn’t having hissy fits over not getting your own way.

Anger is not about intimidating others to conform to your way.

 Anger is not about harming others or self. Anger is a sign.

 A sign shouting that something needs attention…something needs work. Anger will give the energy for that work.

I even think of an image; Micheal the archangel as a representation of this anger. Not in the religious sense but more the Jungian archetype sense. 

 cheers…Leesa

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7 thoughts on “Yes I’m Angry!

  1. I like this “Anger will give the energy for that work.”. I forget that anger can be a good energy, I’ve been uncomfortable with anger all my life. Getting more in touch with my anger, and learning to use it wisely has been helpful.

    I love that picture/mental image of Michael too 🙂

    Thankyou

    Jonathan from Spritzophrenia

  2. OH MY GOD Leesa you are describing me… me! I am in tears… same thing, all my life, misunderstood, exactly, the same, way… Passionate, fiery, a productive anger driving me forwards, and now it’s just about dead… and you know what? I miss it. *shocked and speechless*

  3. I am soooo happy you connect….it is the purpose of my writing. I think it is particularly hard for we women with this passion because society still wants us to be ‘complient’. I doubt your anger is dead hun…one can sense the fire in your belly :). Perhaps you’ve developed a suppression habit as I once did in fear of others reactions…I was just sick of being judged! If this is the case let it free! As long as it is not bitterness or resentment it is part of your ‘power of being’…a powerful creative energy!

  4. Suppression habit is more than accurate indeed. I have also sacrificed much of myself in order to “fit in” environments that I apparently didn’t. Can’t blame a girl for trying… but I don’t think I ever will again. Plain fact is: I am happy being me, and unhappy when I’m not, warts and all 😉

    • How I hear you!

      Sacrificing aspects of self for ‘fitting in’ is the very begining of malajustment taught from the very first time we ‘go against the grain’.

      As this starts when we are children we immediately think we are wrong and ‘they’ are right so many spend life times trying to ‘be’ what others expect. And this is when the soul starts screaming!

  5. Screaming GET ME THE F…CK OUTTA HERE is what it’s been screaming. But now, I’m where I wanted to be, not all the way, but it’s a beginning. Better late than ever. Still got a good 20 years in me to fix some things.

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