A Strange Silence In My Head

There are strange happenings in my head right now

Thoughts won’t stand still and yet underneath…a strange silence.

My mind has had new information served it

Unacceptable information

And it doesn’t know what to do.

I have been on the journey of self-knowledge for a long time now and as such…

Stand as both the observer and the observed. 

I observe a part of me wanting to run

wanting to rationalize

wanting to label

wanting to get drunk

wanting to give up

wanting to help

wanting a magic wand

wanting a time travelling machine…

and yet…

 I know what I must do is just sit sit sit.

Each new experience that comes to us be it good or bad

Must be integrated with all else before we can move ahead in confidence

The more powerful the experience, good or bad, the longer the integration time

And until that time there exists an eerie silence…an uncomfortable silence…a disruptive silence and oddly, a silence that exists profoundly under the constant chatter of the reptilian mind.

A silence that disturbs that part of us that wants anything and everything neatly boxed, neatly labeled so we feel in control.

And part of our minds tries to box it all in quickly for discomfort does not suit our fight/flight instinct . 

But this silence, for all its discomfort

Is the place to be

because as my gorgeous old Great-Aunty Fin used to say regarding my mother

“a person can’t learn anything if they don’t shut-up!”

So if you are, like me, are experiencing, grief or anything so intense

Don’t run

Dont hide

Dont fight

Dont resist.

Instead sit…

and breathe…

and be within the silence, the emptiness.

For only then does learning occur.

Leesa

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5 thoughts on “A Strange Silence In My Head

  1. So true.
    “To learn to accept, understanding should be there. For understanding to occur, silence is essential, so is deep contemplation.”
    Even though I didn’t know him, my thoughts are with Simon. May he rest in peace. & I’m sure he is happy to have a friend, among friends, like you. My condolences to you and all who cared for him.

  2. I don’t know if I am interpreting this post exactly right or not, but it is extremely relevant with what I am going through right now and it is comforting. Such simple advice, yet strangely hard to follow. Like I said I don’t know if we are talking about the same thing, but it helped all the same. You are a really great writer!

    • Jabin how nice of you! Can I frame that last line 🙂 ?

      Yeah I think we are on similar paths right now. I just finished your poem and was deeply moved. I find a suprising comfort in understanding that in the scheme of things I’m little yet.

      As you say simple advice but so hard to do. I struggle with it daily at the moment.

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