Okay so a break from blogging has lasted exactly one day 🙂.
I’m either a big mouth, full of myself, or simply addicted to writing but the fact is life happens, I start thinking and then…
I went to help someone yesterday and whilst there conversed with an acquaintance who was also helping. He, the acquaintance, radiates anger, bitterness and rage. And no…I am not talking fancifully or metaphorically.
One of the first things I learnt as a child was that strong emotion carries real power that flows from one person to another and invades that persons psyche on both a physical and a mental level. As a psych nursing student I quickly learnt that imagining a shield of protection around me was essential if I was to be of use the clients. Otherwise the pain, the confusion, terror, hopelessness, rage that poured out of each on every cell in these folks would have overwhelmed me.
Anyway eventually, after listening to this acquaintance go on for a while I said in my usual blunt way;
“You know mate this bitterness of yours is going to kill you literally, and soon. Are you going to take any action on it?”
His face screwed up and out came the volley of wounds people had done him. After a good twenty minutes or so where I shielded myself very consciously I cut him off with…
“Yeah but what are you going to do?”
He stared at me angrily and again started the litany of horrible things people had done him and how all he’d ever done was lovingly give. I butt in again.
“Yeah but Billy what are you….” He cuts me off.
“You don’t know my story. You have to listen to what people have done to me…”
I dump all social curtseys except the moral I hold dearest and that is honesty and say loudly,
“Billy I don’t need to know anything.”
Oh my lordy do people hate being told I don’t have to hear their story. Psychology argues that you can sit there and rave on about all the wounds but let me ask you…how many of you have come out of therapy healed? Very few I’d say. Yes you need another empathetic ear to share your story with. Once. Ventilating has become a self-indulgent habit that gives permission for victim status. This only disempowers.
Returning to Billy who’d been telling his story to all and sundry at least for the last two years that I know of;
“Yes you’ve been damaged, yes it was unfair, no you didn’t deserve it…” He again interrupts but I raise my volume, glare at him and continue.
“I don’t need to know the names of the people and how giving you were and evil they were Billy. My question is, is this how you want to be for the rest of your life? Everyone’s suffered Billy. Even if you’ve been emotionally wounded worse than anyone else on this planet; which I seriously doubt; IS THIS WHO YOU WANT TO BE?”
I quieted my voice allowing warmth and empathy to flavour my tone…he a little overwhelmed by my forcefulness (my intent exactly :)) was quiet.
“Besides, that life expectancy won’t be that long. This rage will kill you in ten years max. I’m just asking you hun is this how you want to be?”
My question seemed to stimulate a combination of anguish and despair and anger.
“Everyone says I have to change but never tell me how.”
Then the usual followed. Suggestions from me, then arguments from him why he couldn’t shouldn’t that all just meant wouldn’t take action. I swear to god my more passionate self wanted to tape his mouth shut, tie him to the chair and type messages into his very neural network (yes I’m aware of my inner dictator :)).
I left frustrated. All I seem to witness is people suffering and suffering in ways that are so unnecessary, so self-fulfilling, and so very wasteful of this precious life.
A mate has died because he wouldn’t bloody listen. Another daily creates a hell for herself simply because she won’t stop yelling. Another killed herself. Another swims in poverty and delusion because she simply won’t deal with the fact she’s a complete addict. Another creates a world of agro and alcohol because he won’t heal his little inner boy. Another mate continues to battle depression and despite knowing better hasn’t thought to throw in drinking and thus really does ‘battle’ depression.
And this avoidance of the truth, avoidance of pain; this unwillingness to change, to take action is reflected when we come together and form groups.
Look at the dishonesty in governments and their unwillingness to change despite their claims of wanting to become more transparent. Wikileaks is a prime example. As is world governments inaction of climate destruction, or the catholics inaction on child abuse. All reflecting this reluctance to examine honestly and take action for growth.
And if I hear in response one more time “Oh but its hard” I’ll…I’ll…explode?
Yes Billy what I am saying is full on. Yes, taking action will be painful, brutal and have you in puddles of tears wishing you didn’t have to climb this mountain.
But take it on brother. Just one step at a time but yes you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And if you buckle to your knees then put one knee in front of the other. And if you end up prone on the floor then crawl mate.
No. DON’T look at others.
This is you. It is YOU you need to look at, it is YOU you need to examine, it is YOU you need to understand. It is YOU that needs to heal YOU.
I can help. I’ve been on the journey, I’ve made it to the top and found there is no down the other side but rather it plateaus off where greater journeys infused with struggle but also joy await. But first you have to get to the top.
Why should you take it on? Look at the alternative folks. Seems self-evident to me.
Cheers until next time when the spirit moves me :)…Leesa