There were three people. The conversation was fast, emotional and each spoke over the other when impassioned by what was said. Faces were pulled when interruptions occurred, which was about every ten seconds, voices raised to get across points, arms waved in disagreement, faces flushed…
As I left one person walked me to my car. It was quickly obvious he was seeking an ally.
“If only they’d listen to me” he muttered grumpily.
“Hmmm” said I slowly, “Of course Sue had a point don’t you think?”
“Why, what did she say?”
I laughed gently. “I guess you weren’t listening either.” I gave him a hug before he could respond and jumped into my car. As I took off I saw him in the rear view mirror, hands on his hips, consternation clearly etched on his face. My hope was he might consider what I said. My experience told me though he was busy thinking of what he could have said. He is too lost in his own pain.
Of course none of these three are bad people. And they care deeply for each other despite their inability to truly communicate. But all held one thing in common. They had been hurt as youngsters.
I hadn’t been there to be a therapist though. I was there as friend to one though I must admit I so wanted to whip out my therapist hat and offer some things I thought would actually help.
Later I pondered what the three had spoken of and how little was actually said and even less heard. Instead there existed this overwhelming energy that just said ‘I was hurt more, more more!
I considered that all were addicted to substances in order to find a more mellow head space. I knew at least two were also taking antidepressants and anxiolytics to stem the waves of pain. And I knew that each one of them had been hurt emotionally…hurt badly. And even though most of this hurt had occurred many many years ago these hurts were still the controller of their lives.
It makes me sad that we are hurt as children. But most of all I truly grieve as I witness the damage we adults do to ourselves and others directly as a result of that abuse.
Look if you have been emotionally wounded, as a child and it is effecting your life in a negative way I highly highly highly recommend that your first step is to find a good therapist because with time, effort and a little courage your life will be richer, deeper for the process. So will the lives of those around you.
If you want to know what a good therapist looks like please see https://leesis.wordpress.com/2010/09/09/finding-a-good-therapist/.
Yes I know how onerous the journey can look. I know how frightening it can be. And I know sometimes memories both cellular and conscious can cause us to feel the wheels of the bus are not going round and round but rather flying off with lethal speed. That’s were the courage comes in…just a little bit…one step at a time and all that.
So to all who were hurt as children…
But the cool thing is that as adults we can go back to our younger selves and give ourselves the healing; the loving nurture we needed but didn’t get. I’ve done it so I’m not talking out of my ar*e!
Finally, I’ve been reading a blog lately whereby the author is daily blogging about her own journey of healing. She is articulate, honest and courageous and I highly recommend you visit her at http://healingminds.wordpress.com/.