There is a woman I know who sits with a younger damaged part of herself right now and wonders how to move forward. There is a man I know who has been asked to talk of a past he has tried to avoid. And there is another I know who fears should she start crying she shall never stop.
I too have walked this path, through past memories of pain unreleased and this I know to be true. It must be released and the very first rule of doing this successfully is:
What ever comes up for you observe, feel and breathe. Take NO other Action.
Folk often say, ” but what am I going to do?”
My response is , “NOTHING!”
Just be with it.
We rush to tablets, we rush to alcohol, we rush to shop, we rush to be loved, we rush to have sex, to get stoned, to self-harm, to tell the perp off, to distract ourselves, to………….
But what the psyche actually needs is for us to simply sit and be with and to feel the truth of our experience.
Yes we will feel. We will sit and feel bad. We will sit and feel angry. Sit and feel grief, anguish… Yes I know it’s crappy, I know it feels awful. But healing is in the feeling.
We don’t need to add todays thoughts to it. And as soon as we start taking actions we stop feeling. We have been trained into this. That’s why we feel we must DO something…we humans are well conditioned into avoiding unpleasant emotions.
As children we are taught that grief, that tears, that anger should be suppressed. And we learnt to be fearful of our own pain. Personally as a child to show any emotion was to cop more grief from the adults. As we grow up were taught we had ‘things to do’, that we had to ‘move on’, ‘get over it’. We don’t like feeling bad, sad, despair. Hence we bottle it up, push it down, ignore its existence. Thus it is impossible to ‘get over it’.
Here is a fact I know. Ninety five percent of folk I have met who suffer emotional/mental health problems do so because inside is a whole lot of unreleased and thus unhealed emotional suffering. Many come into the psych system receiving all sorts of diagnosis. But the behaviour that’s formed the diagnosis simply shows the way our particular psyche has managed to keep functioning whilst carrying our pain. Then medication is provided to suppress these symptoms. Still though the pain remains. It is the pain that must be released.
I call it emotional pus. And like a physical wound no healing can occur until the pus is removed.
So when unpleasant memories arise for you Sit, Feel, Breathe.
If you cry then cry. If you shake then shake. If you scream then scream. This is your psyches way of healing and in doing this you are finally allowing the emotional pus of your being to be released.
And no my friend you won’t cry forever.
Don’t worry about’ moving forward’, ‘getting over it’, ‘moving beyond it’…indeed don’t even think of ‘getting better’. Resist any urge to cut it off by taking any kind of additional action. Just sit, feel, breathe.
Healing has commenced.