This is the grieving process. Not ‘stages’ but acknowledgement of the pain…willingness to feel and not to avoid and the determination to put one foot in front of the other no matter what.

For a long time I have read and sometimes commented on Pat’s journey. I started when Jeff had only been dead for three months.

If you want to understand the grief proccess don’t read the Kubler Ross model…Read Pat’s journey.

Bertram's Blog

S1000 days have passed since the death of my life mate/soul mate.

1000 days. An incomprehensible number. At the beginning, I could not imagine living one more hour let alone one more day in such pain. And yet now 1000 of those days have passed and I don’t know where they went or how I survived them.

Even more incomprehensible, while I remember being in absolute agony those early months, beset by panic attacks, gut spasms, loss of breath, inability to grip things and hundreds of other physical and emotional affects, there is an element of blank to the memories, as if it were someone else in such distress. I remember screaming to the winds, though I can’t exactly recall what it felt like to be so stressed that only screaming could relieve the pain. I remember feeling as if I would die if I did not hear his voice…

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  1. I’ve been incubating myself carefully these past six months, and will continue to do so as I now begin to take small steps out into the world again. I know I’ve got a long road ahead of me still. I know that its going to take many years to find myself again, and that no number of years will ever stop the pain… – but I’m so grateful for each little step forward I make.

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