Hey dear reader
If you didn’t read my last post it’s probably worth you going there to get the gist…
If you want that is :). Otherwise read on. And remember…Yes I AM an idealist!
The thing about slipping into a pit of self-hatred is that one doesn’t attend to the essentials of life. As I literally sat in my arm-chair awaiting eternal damnation, suffocating in self-hatred, three events occurred within one week to speed up my decline.
First I lost my job. That happens when you don’t turn up to work. Next, two Jehovah Witnesses came to my door and preached hell to me. It was then I realised that it wasn’t just the Revivalists that thought they knew the truth…it seemed everyone thought they ‘knew’. And still god was an abusive dictator and I was doomed. There and then I decided God was a myth. For many this would perhaps not have been a bad thing. But for me, given my experiences of human beings, it meant Good (just one more o) did not exist either and in that moment hope left.
And finally I was evicted having no money to pay my rent. I spent the night on a pier at the bottom of our town with no sense of future, of possibilities and with no one to turn to. By morning I realised I couldn’t live on the streets. I was too much of a chicken. The dark scared me as did the guys that walked the dark. There was only one thing I could do.
I knew my grandfather had put $400 in a bank account for all of his grandkids when I was quite little. I knew mum had it. I had to ask for it so, though the mere thought turned my legs to jelly, I went to my mother’s house. Of course she said no and proceeded to berate and hit and scream words of hate. I left as soon as I could escape her grip.
I went back to town and sat back down at the pier with mums words running through my mind. Suddenly I knew what to do. If I was the worst of the worst, the scum of society, unwanted by two mothers etc etc then it was clear that there was only one role for me.
I decided right there and then that as the lowest of the low I should be what I had always been told was the lowest of the low. I would become a prostitute.
I walked to a local phone booth, grabbed the yellow pages and looked up brothel. With a sense of predestination I walked to the brothel, knocked on the door and asked for a job.
to be cont…