This Is Me…Right Now

Dear reader

I thought I’d pause in the telling of my life experiences (https://leesis.wordpress.com/2013/12/08/yes-i-am-an-idealist-this-is-me/ is the beginning) by bring the focus to the now. Partly because I want folks to know there’s a happy ending to what I am writing about, and secondly as its nearly Christmas I’ve been thinking of those in emotional pain right now. So, for me:

Right now I sit on the back porch.

Sam the dog lies beside me on the porch couch groaning in pleasure as he does one of those stretches us humans should do more often.

Asparagus the cat lies on his back in the sun. His legs are wide open and every now and then he does a questioning meow, I say “ahha”, he meows more peacefully…all’s good.P1010162

The weathers hot but there’s a nice breeze this morning so at least it’s not humid. Subtropical Australia can be a bit exhausting in the summer. The green of the new sugarcane crop that surrounds us on three sides is gorgeous and connects stunningly with Australia’s summer blue sky.

My dwarf watermelons are growing beautifully and I have more cherry tomatoes than I can give away. I think I’ve finally conquered the weed patch and gradually my cacti’s, nasturtiums and various random choices with my recycled milk bottle painted borders will create a secret garden.  I love gardening, creating, nurturing, making art. To my disgust I have no talent for either drawing or painting but in the garden Life gives me the opportunity to create beauty so I do.

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Mr “two sleeps till I’m EIGHTEEN” sleeps soundly in bed. It’s Sunday morning. He’ll appear around 2 or 3pm. On Tuesday he turns 18. Him and I have travelled eighteen years together and fortunately, despite the bumps that occur due to external life and growing up together, we’ve never had a day were we haven’t been able to work it out. And we’ve had the blessing of laughing most of these six thousand five hundred and seventy days.

He’s a good kid. He has his challenges, traits in his personality he’ll have to work on. But we all do. And on his adult journey that he’s about to start he knows he is loved, is valued, is unique. He knows to dream, to listen to his own drum, to play and to be a kind person. And I hope he remembers to never ever give up.

aussie xmasWednesdays Christmas day, I’ve just started three weeks holidays from a fulltime job that exhausts me but allows me to improve the quality of people’s lives and that’s very cool. The bills are paid, there’s food in the cupboard.

Truly all is good and I feel deeply content.

Life isn’t perfect of course. My god-daughter still struggles to find herself and accept herself and the injections and what being different is all about when you just turned fifteen.  For her mum, my ex, she has had to dig deep to change the way she converses with her girl, to try to let my god son have a normal life whilst his sister cuts herself, takes to many tablets or purposely messes up her insulin levels. Life’s complicated sometimes and messy. But we all keep trying.

There are things I’m scared of that are coming up. Like my son leaving home next year but, well, it’s another adventure coming up and frankly I hope and will act to try for trouble-free, valuable life  and hopefully the journey won’t always be as a single person.

But life is good. And I am both deeply grateful and a little proud when I look back at the journey that got me here.

I have taken the time to acknowledge those that aren’t doing so well and donated some help. Most of us, at least here in Australia, can afford to do that. Please do if you can. Oxfam has some useful ideas.oxfam

I also acknowledge that there are folk out there, maybe you dear reader whose experiences aren’t all good right now. Whether their outside world has turned to crap…poverty, war, in so many places or their emotional world has turned to crap because of certain people, and stuff…

sadPlease know I wish you and send you the strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep looking for solutions. You can do it. I did so I know. Just keep trying one breath at a time.

And to all of us who sit with another on Christmas day and share a meal take a moment to be deeply deeply grateful for them (despite the usual disagreements and judgements we humans tend to play out with each other).

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To all I wish you a 2014 surrounded by kindness and the opportunity to have regular belly laughs. The giving and receiving of kindness enhances life like you’d never believe. And remember to be kind to yourself. Laughing is as necessary to your soul as air is to your body…seek it out!

With love to all human beings with blood in their veins because you are as much my family as is my “Mum two sleeps till I’m eighteen” son. He’s excited. I’m terrified. I can’t put up baby gates and plug all the dangerous stuff. Crikey!

Leesawoman writing

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