I grew up in the era of silence regarding child-abuse, rape, abuse of ‘wards of the state’, wife-beating, gay-bashing/murdering. In the main, the non-abusers kept the secrets of the abusers.
The adults kept up a social facade of ‘acceptability’; the parents, the nuns & brothers, the businessmen; whilst behind closed doors they were deeply damaged people who therefore did deeply damaging things to others. However:
The women were blamed for being beaten by their husbands; women were blamed for being raped, and wards of the state, of which I was one, were not only blamed for being wards of the state but also treated like delinquents by the outside community. It was a completely erroneous assessment however it it certainly became a prophesy for many of my peers at the time.
Some of the kids I grew up with after being made a ward of the state had experienced no kindness, no goodness; only a constant stream of imaginative abuse that is too brutal to speak of.
I was lucky. I had appearances in my life of a few good people and so knew kindness and laughter was possible. They did not. To be treated as a delinquent, before they had even spoken…as a kid who “deserves anything she/he gets” and “any charity is too good for them” and to be constantly mistreated by the nuns and brothers…
Yeah they became delinquents!
Why did I tell you all this? To give you some background on why I personally hate silence and secrets.
Professionally I have nursed people in psychosis due to their inability to safely express their inner thoughts, experiences, self. I have nursed people consumed by drug/alcohol addiction as they escape their secrets, anxiety and panic disorders consume our community…
Oh I know. It is not all because of secrets. But the thing is, after decades of psych nursing and counselling I can tell you that the vast majority of people are liberated by the true expression of their experiences and the knowledge that we all, ALL, fail and succeed daily at whatever this thing is that is to be human.
That is it really isn’t it? Secrets come from a sense of SHAME
And shame is a horrid and counter-productive religiously provoked thick oozy rot of an emotion. We all do life the best we can and unless we are a nasty-pastie we have nothing to be ashamed of.
That’s what I think of silence and secrets!
And you poor reader will have no idea whats provoked this purge of mine about secrets. Put simply it is because I have discovered I am someone else’s secret and I have to respect that and it is difficult.
Love me x