To Finalize the Mum thing.

 

She is gone. No contact. Her choice.

The irony of it being the second time she has made this choice is all too evident in my head.

Which evokes the last words my mother who adopted me spoke in my ear. “I have no daughter”.

Which evokes a feeling of sadness intense.

 

Of course, adopted mother was not a nice person.

And it appears biological mother is a nice person

But why the fuck does that matter.

Neither wanted to be my mother.

 

Yes, I am upset

No, it will not kill me

Sometimes you do not get what you want.

And then you struggle with your sense of self.

Two mothers?

Three rejections.

Seriously?

What’s so fucking wrong with me?

 

Oh dear time to rebuild.

I think the next post has to be a much lighter subject 🙂

And now I shall shower and go to wollies for sometimes I need to smoke more than usual.

xxL

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2 thoughts on “To Finalize the Mum thing.

  1. Thinking there’s something wrong with you because other people are too fucked to deal is a really misguided passage of thought.

    Your mother, never explicitly said she doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, you’re just assuming that. However it does seem like she’s avoiding contact, mostly because she’s scared of the implications it could have on her life, and that’s her fault for lying to her family in the first place.

    All of that is a tough pill to swallow, but don’t for a second devalue yourself because of it. You’re one of the most amazing, caring, loving and intelligent human beings that I’ve ever known, and I KNOW that’s true because I’ve lived with you for the past 20 years. So if your mom doesn’t want anything to do with that, then it’s her loss.

    • My son…god I love you. Thank-you thank-you thank-you. Not having a mother is tough. Being a mother to you, the most delightful blessing in the universe..beyond my wildest expectations! xx

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