There is mostly stillness in my head
A strange sense of Peace.
They came and
In a flash of time
They were gone.
I’m glad they came
I’m glad they went.
I adored them!
But the build up to meeting them was so uncontrollably intense that by the time they went to bed last night all I could do was throw-up as I did this morning when they left.
Weird I know but those who also experience stress in the stomach will understand. Unfortunately all my usual techniques for managing stress failed and it was more internally insane than I thought it would be. The assurances of others would not sink in.
Dear reader I share this bit with you in case you are one of the adopted and about to meet your birth mother and her family. It is rather big and can be really hard to manage. God knows how I came across to them, for though I communicated I was also having to put a lot of effort into keeping my tummy from erupting. Probably sounded like a blithering idiot :).
So now, I sit, cat on my legs, dog lying beside us and think.
Those two women
I am related to those two women
My son is related to those two women
And I am glad.
As I let my mind and heart tumble around putting things in place, deconstructing the myths, reconstructing my history and present, I feel the need to go into silence (and allow my poor old body to rest after all that dumping of stress hormones).
But despite all that stress
There is a soft smile tugging the corners of my mouth.
A peacefulness within.
My son and I are related to those two women
And I am so glad.